Dogs = Guaranteed Chick Magnets

I guess I need a dog. It's well known that dogs are great chick magnets, but I have not been able to locate any solid research to explain why this is and how effectively it works. But then to be honest, I haven't looked for any research either. I'm afraid to Google "The Effects of Dogs on Women" on my computer at work. Maybe some of you ladies could fill me in on how this works.

There's a guy who brings his bulldog Nicki to FHE, and I'll admit it's a cute dog. When she comes wandering over, snorting at my ankles, I'll pet her for a bit. Nicki's owner doesn't hang on to her the whole time. He often hands the leash off to whoever wants it … Does that count as some kind of philanthropic charity service?

Last night I was talking with my friend Seashells and observing the magnet in action. Not to sound mean, but the guy holding the leash wasn't the type of guy I would expect to rank very high on a woman's Desirability Scale. Nicki led him over to an attractive young lady sitting in the grass and began sniffing around by her feet. The guy sat down next to her and they began to chat for several minutes. (Well done, Nicki! This dog must be very well trained.)

"Look!" I said to Seashells, "Do you think that girl would ever talk to that guy if it weren't for the dog? It would never happen." Seashells didn't have too much input. In fact I don't think girls are even aware that they are being manipulated by the powers of the dog, because then it happened right before my very eyes.

A couple minutes later Seashells blurted out "OK, I have to go pet the doggy!" and she left my side to go sit by the dog. I was speechless; all I could do was laugh. One minute she's there talking to me about dogs being used to get girls, then the next minute she's walking away to go play with the dog! I witnessed the entire thing and yet I had no idea what happened. It's like she was brainwashed into walking into a black hole.

Imagine two fish.
Fish #1: Look at that hook hanging there!
Fish #2: Yeah, I see it.
Fish #1: What is it about the colorful lures that make fish attracted to it? You can clearly see the hook and if you look carefully you can see the line on top. And yet other fish will still go right up and bite it. LOOK! That guy just bit it! There he goes!
Fish #2: Wow, he's a goner.
Fish #1: It's back! There's the hook again! Why does anybody fall for that trick?
Fish #2: I don't know. … … Well, I'm going to go over there and bite that thing.
Fish #1: NOOOOO! WHYYYYYY?

So I guess I need a dog. And for the record, there is no such thing as a Bachelor Cat!