Happy Valentine's

Valentine’s Day is coming up and I’m single, so let me just tell you that being without a significant other on Valentine’s Day … absolutely ROCKS!

Really, it’s awesome! I don’t have to do squat for ANYBODY!

I don’t have to buy any jewelry, or gifts, or take anybody to a ridiculously priced restaurant. I don’t have to buy a sappy card and then think of more sappy stuff to write in it because apparently it wasn’t sappy enough to begin with. I don’t have to come up with any romantic surprises. I don’t have to feel pressured to empty the already meager bank account for a single day of splurging, because apparently being unable to pay the rent is romantic.

I don’t have to fret about what her mysterious expectations might be so I can at least meet them in order to pacify her. I don’t feel pressured to advance a relationship to the next level because it would be expected for me to do so on this particular day.

And let’s face it; it’s a one-sided “holiday.” Sure women will give their guys a token gift like a card or some stupid little teddy bear, but honestly he does not want any of those things. Instead of Valentine’s Day being about celebrating your love for each other, it seems as if it is about men having to prove their love for a woman against a ridiculous standard set by soap operas and romantic comedies. Then she gets all upset because you didn’t propose to her in a hot air balloon over Paris – even if you are already married!

First of all, ladies, don’t expect real men to act like the leading men in the movies unless you want us to expect you to look like the leading ladies. We know you are a real woman without a team of personal trainers, dietitians, hair and makeup artists, controlled lighting, and digital airbrushing to make you look perfect from every angle at every moment. We love you for what you really are, and we only expect the same in return.

Second, do you realize that somebody else wrote the lines the guy says in the movies? Really, it’s true; watch the credits at the end. How romantic would it be if your man pulled out a piece of paper to read a romantic monologue that his sister-in-law wrote about how you complete him by filling the eternal void that has engulfed his soul until the very instant he set eyes upon you?

A real man – the best you can ask for – will think as hard as he can for something that is both romantic and truthful without sounding completely retarded. Then he’ll look deep into your eyes, gather his courage, and from the bottom of his heart he'll say, “You’re cool.”

Then he’ll realize from the look on your face that that was the wrong thing to say – either because it wasn’t sappy enough or maybe it was TOO sappy; he won’t know which – so he’ll laugh and say “Just kiddin’.” and slug you in the shoulder.

And third, you and your significant other should both be showing your love by the things you do the other 364 days a year. If the health of your relationship rests on a "holiday" printed on the calendar then maybe you have some issues to work on together.

Ok that's enough. This post started out as celebration of singlehood and ended up as a long winded rant. Sorry about that.

My point is that on this February 14th I'll be doing the same thing I do every day. Whatever the heck I want!

I know my Valentine's Day will be good; I hope yours is too.